Sports legend Gary Lineker has been unable to respond to fresh criticism relating to his politically-charged tweets as he is not allowed an opinion on it.

As a TV star and sports personality, it has been revealed that he is not authorised to have an opinion on anything that other people might disagree with. The code, which has reportedly been in force since 800BC, carries a maximum penalty of being removed from the electoral register for good.

Just this week, cricket commentator, Jonathan Agnew made his opinion clear by angrily not stating his opinion with regards to Lineker’s tweets other than saying that Lineker should not have an opinion on Brexit.

An opinionated fan on Twitter said: “I like Gary, but I don’t think he should have an opinion on our beloved Brexit, it’s not in the national interest and it isn’t what I pay my TV licence for. Even the Prime Minister doesn’t have an opinion on Brexit, so why the hell does Lineker think he should have the right?”

We approached Lineker for comment, but he declined, although we feel duty bound to mention that he didn’t specifically say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and rather replied with a professional comment of ‘N/A’.

He is now preparing for his weekly opinion exorcism – a new mandatory requirement for anyone with a social media account that has a blue tick.

Insiders have also informed us that Lineker’s Walker’s crisps association is under review, as watchdogs have found evidence to suggest he enjoys eating cheese and onion flavoured crisps more than any other flavour, which blatantly breaches opinion laws.

An insider said: “I can’t comment on Gary’s ongoing association with the famous crisps brand other than to say that any future work will involve multi-pack crisps to allow Gary to operate within his legal framework.”

Gary will still be seen on TV’s Match of the Day, but will be unable to comment on the performance, fouls or goals.  As a precaution, the BBC make up team will be administering botox injections pre-broadcast to ensure that no viewers can get a glimpse of joy, sadness or frustration. A spokesperson said: “It’s for his own good.”



  1. It must be the capitalist hating lefties who have secretly censored Lineker’s opinion on Brexit. I can think of no other reason. Alright footballers aren’t necessarily capitalists but they do get paid shocking amounts of money for booting a bag of wind about and there are a lot of people in this world envious of these lofty sports personalities including me. Imagine now if Theresa May had voiced her opinion about the excesses of Premiership Footballers and whether or not they set a bad example that to the rest of the more impressionable population. The compounding of anxiety in those who have two left feet and yet in every sense are decent citizens struggling to make ends meets ?Football fans might just have complained that it was none of her business and she was abusing her position.


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