But Barbie can’t stand up!

Lady Gaga recently proved that, shock horror, she doesn’t have the body shape of Barbie.

Arrrggghhhh somebody fetch me a whiskey. She’s no pop star! How dare she flaunt her bigger-than-Barbie figure on a stage. In front of thousands of impressionable fans.

I can prove that Lady Gaga doesn’t have a Barbie doll body. I know this because there is video evidence of her performing a high energy show at the Superbowl. Meanwhile, the real Barbie Doll can’t even stand up.

She’s no Barbie, that Lady Gaga.

It was once reported that if Barbie was indeed alive and well, well, she wouldn’t be. Well that is. She’d be on all fours for starters. And she’d be lolling that ridiculously oversized head of hers in front of her as she crawled. I’ve no idea how she would have gone horse riding or dated Ken (unless he was some misogynistic pig who liked the idea of ‘keeping’ a woman on all fours).

Barbie, as I remember her, was a ridiculous shape. Nonetheless, the shape that many little girls grew up coveting. My mum hated Barbie. She let me have a Sindy – I think she thought Sindy was a bit more ‘girl next door’. Still, not sure either of them could stand up if they were real flesh and blood.

So we grew up with mixed messages didn’t we? As young girls we wanted to be like Barbie. And then as adolescence hit, we were told that we could go roller skating and swimming – even when we had our periods. But we never put two and two together – Barbie can’t actually do either.

So we bought the Tampax (or the Lillets if we needed to go to the loo without anyone seeing a huge applicator tampon sticking out of our raised hand – who can forget those magazine ads in Just 17?). We bought them because we wanted to do all those things. And yet, something reminded us that unless we had the figure of Barbie, we shouldn’t even consider wearing a swimsuit in the first place.

But Barbie can’t stand up!

So this just proves it doesn’t it. We wanted the impossible. Society wants the impossible.

Back to Lady Gaga and her pot belly. Yes, her pot belly. Did you not see it? Look more closely. She has a pot belly. Twitter declared it to be true.

Mind you, this all happened in 2017. The same year that Trump became president. So perhaps we are not seeing straight at the moment. Perhaps, when some people looked at Lady Gaga they saw Jabba the Hutt. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was the same people who looked at that furious wotsit (I can’t take credit for that one but I love it!) and saw the making of a president.

In today’s incredibly weird world, I myself am imperfect. Trump would view me as someone needing to check out. I am OLD according to the leader of the USA and of no use to anyone.

I think we have all lost touch with reality. Perhaps we are letting Trump’s misogynistic ways seep into our blood. Let’s stop with that immediately. Let’s rewind…

Oh my God! Did you see the photos of Lady Gaga at the superbowl?

Wow, she’s well fit.